


Save Me

by butterpat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adult Eren Yeager, Angst and Porn, Older Eren Yeager, Other, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Smut, Suicide Attempt, eren's a bit of a douche, like a Really big douche, maybe ?, suicide baiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:08:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterpat/pseuds/butterpat
Summary: Ok I do NOT approve of Eren's actions at all in this. Please contact a suicide hotline if you are at this point in your life. As someone who suffers massively from depression I know how dark it gets right at this moment. This is based off of a joke headcanon between my friend and I that Eren would be a shitty boyfriend that suicide-baits you as he fucks you.There IS a borderline suicide attempt in this, and Eren is pretty shitty, so PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION.So with that warning in place, here's a brief summary:You've lost all reason to live, and nothing seems to be helping anymore. When Eren finds you at your darkest moment, his reaction is sweet - until you no longer want it to be.
Relationships: Eren Yeager/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 64





	Save Me

You sit at the foot of your bed.

For something so certain in your head, your body certainly doesn’t agree - you feel your legs shaking, feeling like jello in the middle of an earthquake. Thank god you are sitting, because you would probably be collapsed on the ground if you weren’t.

But with all of this fear in your muscles, your mind feels calm. Steady. This has been a long time coming, and it seems like you’re finally giving in. You can’t tell if this is your biggest moment of weakness or courage, but there’s a grim look of determination on your face as you look at the pills in front of you. You can’t run away anymore. You can’t run from what’s been eating at you inside for years.

You’ve tried. You’ve tried so hard. You’ve hung out with your friends, called them in the middle of the night, tried meditating, tried therapy, tried finding a reason to live. They all failed. Depression hung like a heavy weight, and nothing you did could lift the veil over your head so you could catch a feeble breath of relief.

Not even Eren could help. The thought of him sends a pang into your heart. You’ve been dating for a month by now, and you wished you could be happy with him. He did make your days better, if even only by a hair. Things were a bit brighter with him around. Memories flash in front of you - his deep laughter, his hand ruffling your hair, his arms wrapped around you. The warmth of his chest as you lean back into it. The taste of him on your lips when he turns your face to his. You haven’t gone farther than kissing yet. You’ve thought about it, for sure, but the fog in your brain pushes him away no matter how much you want to draw him closer. You’ve isolated yourself instead of reaching out. Even when you lie asleep in the middle of the night, thoughts drifting towards his hands on your body, grabbing you, holding you, controlling you - a small voice in your head tells you “you’re not worth it.”

And at this point, the voice is right. You’re not.

With a steady breath, you force your hands to stop shaking. You reach for the pill bottle. One, two…. You give up counting and pour the contents into your palm. Just take them all, right ? There’s no way to practice for this. The voice cheers you on. This is what you deserve. This is what you were meant to do, what must happen. You have nothing left for you.

Your phone rings, but you don’t pick it up. You simply stare at the pills in your hand. Just one move. Just one swallow, and it’ll all be over.

The final step is so hard. You’re there for several minutes, stuck in a loop of indecisiveness. Finally, you try and bring your hand closer to your mouth - but you shake. The pills spill onto the ground. Damnit. For the first time in this whole process, you feel tears fall down your face. Big, choking sobs come out of your mouth, and you feel yourself double over in defeat. Your mind, which before was drifting outside, disassociated and watching from a distance, has snapped back into focus, and it all hits you so hard. You’re really doing this. Shaking, you pick yourself off the ground where you fell and start to crawl around, looking for the pills. Your tears stain the floor, leaving small drops as you grope under the bed. How pitiful.

You’re reaching for a particularly stuck pill when you hear the front door open, and you freeze. A muffled voice, setting things down on the kitchen counter. Your name, faint through the walls. Eren’s here.

_Nonononononononononono-_

You’re stuck. You didn’t expect him to come here. Not now, why now ? You don’t know what to do. You could scramble for the pills and take them, but then he might just call an ambulance. Your plan is ruined. You stay there, frozen. You hear his footsteps approach, and slowly the door to your room creaks open.

The first thing you see is his hand on the knob. Rough and big, with the veins that travel up his sinewy arms, gently draped in a long sleeve shirt scrunched up at the elbows. His mouth, halfway through a sentence that you can’t hear. His green eyes, blinking gently with a slow realization of what he is witnessing. His furrowed brow. The loose hairs from his messy bun falling forward as he rushes towards you. Hands grabbing your shoulders, hoisting you up. His arms coming around you. You can faintly feel yourself trembling as you burrow yourself into his chest, but you’re still numb from the shock of having him there.

“Y/n, what’s going on?” his voice rings clear in your head, but you have trouble answering. All that comes out is the gasps of your breath.

Fuck, are you hyperventilating ?

What a fucking fool you are. Can’t even kill yourself properly.

“What are you thinking? Fucking hell, what’s with all these pills?” He sharply inhales. “Fuck, were you going to-” You grips your hands in his shirt, letting out a strangled noise. His heart is racing against your cheek as you push yourself into his embrace.

Nononono. This isn’t what you want to happen. You’re so fucked for being happy he’s here. Look at the pain you’re causing him by being alive. Look at how much you’re hurting him. You piece of shit. This is why you needed to die. That way he doesn’t have to suffer through your existence for another fucking day.

No, you try and argue. That’s not true. He’s happy I’m alive, not mad.

Shut the fuck up, the voice says.

Eren holds you tight, with no idea of what’s happening inside your head. He doesn’t know what to say, so he simply presses you closer into his chest as you’re wracked with muffled sobs. You sit there for a few minutes, him holding you, letting his steady heartbeat slowly guide yours out of its panic, letting your breaths rise and fall together.

Your tears slowly dry out, and you’re left with puffy eyes and a growing sense of shame.

“I’m sorry, I-”

Your words fail you. You sit in silence some more.

“I….” What can you even say to him?

He holds you tighter. “It’s okay. I have you.”

Why is he being so nice? You don’t want him to be nice. You want him to grab you, to make you feel alive. As your breathing calms, you realize that this isn’t what you want at all. You don’t want his little consolations. You don’t want to feel like a baby. You want to feel alive. You want him. Now.

Your arms slowly find strength, grabbing the neckline of his shirt and pulling him down.

His eyes look surprised. “Y/n, I-”

Before he can finish the sentence, your lips steal his words. He freezes for a bit, partly in shock and partly in an emotion he can’t place. You were on the ground just a moment ago, on the edge of death, but he’s never felt you more alive than right now. He’s never felt you with an urgency like this before.

You push further, kissing deeper. Your hands snake into his hair, pulling out his hair tie and letting the strands tickle your fingertips. You twist into them, hard, pulling him closer. You need him closer. You need to feel something. His hands snake across your back as if he heard your thoughts. With a muffled groan, he yanks you close, thick fingers groping your ass as he savors the taste of you on his lips. The force of his pull is too much, and you find yourself losing grasp and falling backwards onto the ground. Your head hits the floor with a faint thud, and it knocks your senses more into focus. Eren’s leaning above you now, his hair ticking your cheeks and his mouth inches from yours, breath heavy. His arms are locked on either side of you, trapping you. You stare at each other. Finally, he breaks the silence.

“What the fuck are you doing ?”

You gulp, ashamed at how your lower muscles clenched at the anger in his voice. This is more like him, the malice in his face as he glares at you. You’re yearning for your life to no longer be in your hands, but in his instead.

_Please dominate me._

You don’t say it yet, but only stare at him defiantly. Almost begging.

More silence.

“That’s it, then? You’re just going to fucking kill yourself and say nothing, then fucking kiss me like it’s going to be all better? That’s your fucking solution? You _bitch_. You fucking _cunt_. What the _fuck_ is going on in your head?”

_Yes. More more more more more-_

“You’re so fucked, you know that? You’re a goddamn freak show. You hide out from me for weeks, you don’t return my calls, you don’t return anyone’s calls, you leave me out to dry like a piece of ruined laundry and here you are, living your best life, about to die like you don’t give a fuck about anyone else. You’re so fucking _selfish_.”

Somehow, your body finds tears left to cry, and you feel them slide down the sides of your face, wetting your ears as gravity pulls them downward.

“You bitch, now you want to cry about it?” He spits on your face. _Yes_.

Somehow, this is helping, and he knows it. You need someone to put you in your place, to take control from you. You might not be worth it, but maybe you’re just _not worth being treated right_.

You feel your pelvic muscles clench again, and a dull warmth starts to spread in your stomach.

Holy shit, are you turned on right now?

At some point, your breaths have morphed from anxious to ragged, and you’re sure your face has changed too, shifting from sadness to pleasure.

Eren notices.

“You’re getting off on this? Really?”

You feel a devilish gleam appear in your eyes. This is it. This is the moment to push him over the edge.

Slowly, you let the edges of your lips curl into a smile.

“You fucking _slut_.”

Eren jerks your head towards him, and then his tongue is bruising your mouth as he shoves it in. Your own tongue can barely match his pace, and you find yourself melting in his kiss. It’s sloppy, and mean, and everything that you and him have never been.

Goddamn, does it feel good.

He breaks the kiss just to grab you and throw you onto the bed, and you land with a muffled thump. You barely get a chance to grab your breath before he has your small wrists clamped down with one hand, the other wrestling with the hair tie you hand yanked off him earlier. You squirm, but you’re not _really_ trying to get away, and your face betrays that. He notices and rests his weight on top of you, straddling your hips.

You feel his cock through his pants, pressed up against your pelvis. Another flush of warmth shoots through you.

You’re so taken aback by the sensation of his erection that you barely notice your arms being jerked over your head, his one hand dexterously pulling the hair tie over your fingers and locking your hands together. _Oh_.

“Now you can’t fucking run.” He admires his handiwork, pushing back his hair from his sweaty forehead. It fails miserably, and the strands immediately fall forward again. Good, you like it that way.

“You think you can just decide for yourself that you’re going to die? To hell with that.” His hand, now done tying your wrists, makes it way down your arm to your chin, where he grips it and yanks it up, hard. You find yourself gasping as his fingers dig in tightly. Surely this is going to leave a bruise.

“If you’re going to kill yourself, do it right. Pills? Really? You have so many options for suicide in this apartment, yet you choose the one with a low success rate. I guess you didn’t really want it, did you? Did you?”

“I-”

“Shut up. Don’t answer me. You don’t get to speak.”

He moves his hand downward, now wrapped around your throat. He squeezes, gentle at first but then rougher, harder. The breath leaves your lungs, and your hands try to pull apart, but the hair tie does its job. You're trapped. The weight on your throat jerks your lower half against him, and you feel his erection twitch in response.

“Why don’t you try choking yourself next time? I heard a belt on a doorknob could work just fine.” His breathing is haggard, and his eyes savor your face gasping for air, your eyes glazed over and arms struggling. “It wouldn’t feel as good as this, though.”

He’s right.

His grip tightens as his weight shifts to the hand on your neck, his other grabbing your chest and palming at your nipple. Your throat momentarily gets a rush of air as both of his hands pull the hem of your shirt over your head, further trapping your arms as it locks them into place. He grits his teeth.

“Don’t fucking move. If you move, I’ll punish you.”

You’re still choking for air, unable to speak, but you manage a nod. You can’t imagine what you look like right now, hair a mess, face tear-streaked and red, throat bruised.

But for the first time in months, you feel alive.

Eren slowly draws his finger down your arm, lifting it briefly to place it on the tip of your lips.

“Open,” he commands.

You don’t need to be told twice.

He slides one finger into your mouth, then another. You moan gently as you suck them, tongue pressing against them. You don’t want his fingers in your mouth. You want them inside you elsewhere, plunging in you and making you weak. Your hips buck against his.

“I said don’t fucking move.”

It takes all your concentration not to move your hips as he grinds his erection on top of you. Fuck, he’s enjoying this, this power that he holds. His poker face doesn’t reveal any of his emotions, but you’re sure he’s mocking you. Slowly, tantalizingly, he pulls his fingers from your mouth. A thin line of saliva trails from them to your lips, finally pulling apart and landing back on you in a wet glob that travels down your chin. He moves his fingers down more now, caressing your battered throat and moving past your collarbone. Your saliva has made them cold and wet, and the sensation sends your nerves into a fury. Still, you manage to keep yourself from moving.

His fingers now rest on your nipple, slowly circling, drawing closer. You feel them harden, anticipating his touch, and you have to focus hard to keep yourself from leaning into him. Slowly, he takes your nipple between his finger and thumb, tweaking gently. It’s so faint it’s almost painful. Fuck that, it's so faint it's _good_. 

You haven’t had someone touch you like this in ages. Every time Eren had tried to move beyond kissing before, you would push him away. Now, here he is, tormenting you with the fingers you’ve only fantasized about before.

You’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t realize you’ve arched your back, aching for more. A small groan escapes your lips as you do so, and you only register it until it’s too late.

His fingers twist hard, and the pain snaps you out of it.

“You moved.”

All of a sudden he’s pulling you by the nipple, his other arm yanking you up by your shoulder until you’re falling forward and he’s sitting up on his knees. Your arms awkwardly fall in front of you, hitting his chest as you try and keep yourself from falling on your face. He pushes your arms down, and they’re now locked against your front. Your muscles burn slightly from the force of the new position.

“Get on the side of the bed.” His voice is almost a growl.

It’s an awkward motion, with your arms tied and all, and you fall over while trying to do so. He takes his leg and pushes you up from your side on the ground until you’re sitting up on your knees, your eyes now level with his hands pulling at the waistband of his pants. You watch as he slides off first his pants, then his underwear. His cock springs free, fully erect and bobbing slightly in the air.

Holy shit.

You haven’t been with someone with a penis in a while (bad trouble with one ex is what caused you to be so scared of intimacy in the first place), and it takes a moment to register it in front of you. Is it your memory failing, or is Eren….. really big?

You gulp, gently. Eren notices, and smirks.

“I’m going to spread you apart soon, y/n. It’s going to make you cry and beg for more, you fucking slut. Is that what you want?”

His hand grabs the back of your head and yanks you forward. The tip of your lips press against his dick, and you instinctively part them.

“Already ready to start sucking? I knew you were a whore all along. So it was all an act, huh? Pushing me away, keeping me at a distance.”

You’re finally able to talk after being choked, and the words slowly spill from your mouth.

“It wasn’t an act… I swear, I just needed time.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, I swear, I just… I didn’t think I was worth it. I didn’t think I was worth you.”

Eren tightens his grip on your hair, yanking down so your face jerks up to meet his eyes. “Don’t ever say that again. If you feel that way, then just go through with it and end your life. Just fucking kill yourself like you intended, if you’re as small as you think you are. You’ll be nothing to me.”

Your heart pangs in your chest.

“Do you understand?”

It’s tough against his grip on your hair, but you manage to give a feeble nod.

“Good. Punishment time.”

You know what to do, and you open your lips. Eren slowly dips the head of his cock into your mouth, sliding in and out with a gentle pop as the suction of your lips releases. He goes again, this time rougher. You barely have time to try and use your tongue until he’s face fucking you, ramming his dick deep into your throat and making you gag. His hands on the back of your skull are the one thing keeping you upright, as your arms fight weakly against their restraints.

“Look at me,” he commands. You do, tears in your eyes. He pulls his dick out from your mouth only to shove it back in again, barely giving you time to take a breath.

“God, your throat feels so fucking good, you know that? I can’t believe you were about to pour pills down it. Next time wait until after I come to put yourself out of your misery.” With brute force, he pulls your head away from his cock and you fall back onto the ground, gasping for air. He pulls you back onto the bed, your head and chest pressed onto the mattress and facing away from him, your pussy pushed up into the air. Somehow, as he pulls off your pants, you can hear him smile.

“Well look at that… are you excited to show me your cunt or something? You’re wagging it in the air like the whore you are, huh.”

His tone changes. “Wag for me.”

Meekly, you shake your hips back and forth.

“No!” His hand suddenly spanks you, hard. The force makes the bed shake, and your ass burns from the touch. “Wag better.”

You try again, and he spanks you again, the air stinging your ass as your pelvis clenches both from pleasure and the impact.

You try one more time, dipping your hips again and moving in a slow figure-8.

“Much better,” he croons. You feel his hands grab your ass, caressing where it stung. You whimper gently from his touch.

Suddenly, you feel his breath fanning your sex. The sharp coolness of the air jerks you a bit, but his hands keep you steady.

“I’ll give you a bit of a reward, since you’ve been doing so well.”

There’s silence for a few seconds, and your entire body tenses up.

Then, slowly, his tongue teases you through your underwear.

You stifle a moan as he runs his tongue down your slit, pausing gently as he finds your clit. He suckles gently, soaking the fabric with both his saliva and your juices. You feel a pause as his hands roll down your underwear, now trapping your knees, and then his mouth is back, sucking harder as his hands massage your ass. Your muscles pulse, aching for more.

As if he heard you, he pushes deeper, exploring you, licking with an urgency that makes you moan into the sheets and arch your back in pleasure. He sucks again, and you cry out. The warmth is filling you more now, curling up in your stomach and winding tighter with every pull that he gives your clit. You’re close now, and your hips are bucking like crazy. His hands keep a firm grip on your ass, digging in tightly and keeping you still as he brings you closer to the edge. The coil keeps winding, tighter, tighter, tighter -

Eren’s tongue circles your clit, giving one final suck as your stomach snaps and the wave releases. Stars cloud your vision, and you vaguely remember crying out.

Did you just black out?

Panting, the world slowly comes back into focus. The warmth is still spreading over you, and your orgasm keeps pulsing your muscles as you faintly hear his voice.

“Did you like that, y/n?”

_Yes._

You’re still coming down, though, and too stunned to respond.

Eren pushes you onto your back so he can see your face.

“I _said_ , did you like that, y/n?”

You nod.

“Good.”

He pulls your underwear down the rest of your legs and pulls off his shirt briefly after. You stop to admire his build as he rolls on a condom. Damn, he is _fine_.

His muscles flex as he puts a hand on either side of you, his dick perched at your entrance. Heavy breaths fill the silence.

It’s just you and him here, in this moment, warm bodies held centimeters apart and ready to fall into each other at any second. He gives one heavy exhale, then speaks.

“Have you found a reason to live?”

You’re terrified of what your response should be. You’ve never felt more alive than you do now, but you’re worried if you say that he’ll roll off of you and stop this. You search his expression, trying to see what he wants to hear. He stares right back at you, eyes clouded over with desire.

Somehow, you find the answer.

“Not yet.”

“Then I’m gonna give you one right now.”

And with that, Eren slides the tip of his cock into you.

You gasp a bit as he slowly fills you, stretching your insides as he pushes deeper. He is big, and he grins when he sees your expression. As if to mess with you more, he moves a bit faster, and you let out a small cry as he buries himself into you to the hilt.

You both pause for a few seconds as he gets used to your feeling, and you press against his hips to try and relieve some of the pressure from his cock jammed into your walls. Somehow, that makes him even harder, and you yelp again.

“God, y/n, you’re so fucking tight.”

Your muscles pulse at his voice, and he groans a bit. Slowly, he starts to move in and out, his thrusts starting out deep and gentle but slowly increasing in speed. The bed starts to rock as he gets more forceful with it, hands roughly grabbing your hips as he slams into you.

You can’t believe you had been putting this off. That you kept pushing him away when he could make you feel like this. Thank god you hadn’t succeeded with the pills.

Eren’s mouth meets yours for the first time in a while, and the sensation sends you both closer to the edge. Your tongues meet each other again, but with a desperation that wasn’t there earlier. Earlier he had been more closed off, more emotionless. Now, though, he clung at you, sucking on your lip as he pounded you deeper and deeper into the bed. You felt him pulling at the hair tie and your shirt, releasing your arms, and you use your newfound freedom to wrap around his neck and pull him closer. Your legs wrap around his waist tighter, pulling him in, and you kiss him with a fever that you didn’t know you had.

Eren has one hand on your chest, teasing your nipple, and his other hand moves downward to play at your clit. You arch against his touch, his thumb pressing at your spot in time with his thrusts. The warmth builds up in you again, and you moan against his lips. He thrusts harder, and the hand that was at your nipple is back at your throat, but when he wraps his fingers around you, your first gasp is one of pleasure. It’s too much, his choking, his teasing, his thrusting. It’s a matter of seconds before the coil snaps again and you spasm, legs pulling him closer as your orgasm rocks through your body.

“Holy….fuck…” he pants out. “So…. fucking….. Good…” His hips start to lose their rhythm, smacking against your feverishly. He lets out a guttural noise before jamming into you one last time, full buried in you as he cums with a moan.

You look up at him, his sweat falling on you, his beautiful eyes meeting yours as he reaches orgasm. His hips spasm a few times more before he finally stills, collapsing on top of you in a heap.

You lay there in silence for several minutes, panting, wondering if the other person fell asleep or if they were mad, or if they were happy, or what the hell were they possibly thinking?

Finally, Eren breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry….. I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry you had to go that far. That you didn’t think you could rely on me. I’ll be a better boyfriend, I promise. I’m sorry for how I acted today. I won’t do it again.”

You’re exhausted, but you gently put a hand to his face and turn his eyes towards yours.

“No,” you say. “ _Please_ do that again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah ok this is my first fic and if I write more I PROMISE there will be some fluff in there, I don't even like Attack on Titan that much but adult Eren is fine as hell so I'm not complaining.


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